What the hell happened to August?

All I can really tell you is my fingernails are a disaster and I smell like some cheap-o body spray they sell at the Gap.

I'm experiencing a sense of Blur. If I didn't get my period every now and again I'm pretty sure I'd think it was still 1997 and I had a job that I...

Well, I didn't like that one very much, either.

So maybe it really is 1997.

Huh.

Anyway, I apologize for my absence. I realized this morning I'd become a lurker on my own blog, which probably isn't too good for business. So here I am, back in the Blogger window with a SERIOUS case of stage fright, because you've been waiting for WEEKS and I can't just show up with some idiot unfunny post AND I'M DOING IT ANYWAY!

So NOW I'm not lying about the writers' block.

*****

I read Lord of the Flies today. It wasn't required reading at my high school (I don't think, but I didn't read much my junior year so I could be wrong - Madcap?) but I've been feeling left out about it lately.

The book is not good.

Why do they make kids read this stuff? Boys get tips on killing things. Girls can't relate because if one of THEM had been on the island someone would have bashed Jack's head in IMMEDIATELY and all of the smaller children would have been counted, herded into makeshift "families", fed, clothed and taught to read.

And don't ask where they'd get clothes and books. They just would. Maybe by, y'know, going back to THE PLANE. It can't have been a TOTAL loss if all those idiot boys made it out unharmed and wearing pants. And choir robes. Which I didn't understand.

Anyway, LotF: 2 stars.

*****

Oh, also, and I can't believe I forgot to tell you this, I've been listening to Britney Spears again. Toxic. Over and over and over. On first listen the thing sounds like cats falling down stairs, but I have come to respect that about it.

Just thought you should know.

Toxic: 3 stars.

*****

Let's wrap up this session of "Where in the World is Juliet Speaks" (and can that possibly be more of a cliche) with my sincere appreciation for all your words of encouragement and support. It's been a rough couple of months, but the end is near.

Well, the end is in November, but it's nearer than it was.

Love you all!
Juliet

PS - No, Roscoe, I don't really hate my job. But for God's sake let's forget I ever mentioned going to Nashville, okay?

:: happy hour begins at 11:05 PM [+] ::

...

Taking a Tip from Schooner Tuna*

I haven't been entirely honest with you all lately.

I'm not really blocked. I have plenty to write. Lots to say. Words and words some more.

But they aren't funny.

The last month has been horrible for me, both personally and professionally. Several of my friends are sick or hurting, my head hasn't stopped aching since Chicago and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are riding around behind me at work snickering like second-graders all the livelong day. (Really, you'd think they could muster some biblical dignity or something.)

And AOL crashes my computer every time I open it.

There's nothing I can do about any of it.

So, my options have been:

a) not post

b) post "My life is sooo haaaaard! I'm so upseeeeet! It's so awwwfuuuulll! Waaaahhhh!" every day

Which I hate, and so do you.

Basically I have all but lost my sense of humor for the time being, and what little remains is devoted to Speaksy (with whom everything is fine, btw). Everything will resolve itself in time, but until then I'll only be by when I have something funny to relate and can relate it without telling you how miserable this life is and how much better off we'd all be if we could just get to Pensacola.

I did lose another pound though. That was cool.

Love you all,
Juliet

*Back to using movie references as fillers, are we? LOL


:: happy hour begins at 4:54 PM [+] ::

...

Last Week on Falcon Crest...

Oh, so many times I've opened this Blogger window to pound out the Entry of the Century, only to have it vanish into nothingness like a sneeze that just won't come.

Bullet points it is.

Tuesday - Work.

Wednesday - Got my ass handed to me at work.

Thursday - Still holding my ass.

Friday - With both hands, now.

Saturday - In an attempt to erase the memory of the assness of the week, watched the last seven episodes of last season's Alias. In a row. Until three in the morning.

Sunday - Fresh from spy-girl nightmares (and will someone please explain to me why Lauren felt the need to keep a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher in the front seat of her car) spent hours and hours...doing nothing. I mean it. No memory of yesterday at all.

Which brings me to today, in which I served my first day of jury duty by sitting between a woman who couldn't find her teeth this morning and a man who found Jesus in Pensacola. Plus nearly severed his hand with a band saw.

Seems like those two things shouldn't go together like that.

Pausing for reflection...
Juliet

:: happy hour begins at 8:36 PM [+] ::

...